By Lada Dedic
post title from New Slang by The Shins
I have so much to say on this matter and I don't really know where to start so I'm going to ramble.
I fixed my website which looked like it was straight out of 1998 and I hate it already, sooooo 2015. I don't think I'll ever work out small talk and 'networking'. I find art events challenging, particularly the fractured conversations, I feel as though I'm either interrupting or being interrupted.
A big-shot art dealer once felt me up while we had our photo taken, or more to the point, I was assaulted in an extremely intimate assertion of power and control while I stood there and smiled for the camera. Needless to say I didn't sign with that gallery and ever since then I have difficulty talking to art dealers/curators and pretty much anyone who can help with my "career". It’s not that I think other art dealers are going to ‘cop a feel’, just that ever since then, I think that I unconsciously believe that my work is shite because that one dealer had ulterior motives. I was young and impressionable and straight out of art school and the feeling stuck.
The following sentence makes me angry: "Theory and discussion will explore perspectives on materialisation embedded in the logic and phenomenology of digital and analogue substance" (COFA). I hate 'artspeak'. My work is still "arrrty crrrafty". I always cry after openings (I have an opening tonight). So far this year I have earned $500 which I then spent on materials. If it wasn't for my partner, I'd be destitute. (I deleted all the swear-words).
I love what I do. Truly. In the past, I tried to stop making work, I've never been able to give up. My plan now is to just keep plodding along and if one day I'm a 'successful' artist that'll be a welcome surprise and if not, that's OK too.
Also, I should add that I admire the artists I know who are able to shape-shift to fit into the expected 'professional artist' box. I know that many find it challenging.